The right words at the right time can make all the difference, for better or worse.
Everyone's brains are receptive to concepts—simple or complex, easy or difficult—if they're packaged in the correct manner (similar to locks being receptive to keys if they're the correct type) and the person is in the correct mental state to receive said package.
These could be math concepts like convolutions or Fourier transforms; explaining an interpersonal problem to a significant other; or understanding something about a culture or society or psychology. (This is not to say everyone can learn convolutions, but rather the people that can learn them can be especially receptive given the right conditions.)
Sometimes these packages make a bigger difference in the life of the receiver than the provider realizes, like a variant of the fundamental attribution error. And while I don't think anyone should necessarily not say something, they should consider that their words may carry more weight than anticipated.
In 2015, McDonald's announced all-day breakfast. This was a genius idea in my (uneducated, naive, ignorant) opinion: everyone loves breakfast! Everyone gets hungry later in the day! This was a no-brainer decision by McDonald's!
I proudly announced my intent to buy some McDonald's shares quickly because the stock price was sure to go up. My dad looked at me with pity and responded something along the lines of:
No Magic Pill, you won't make any money. There are legions of Stanford and MIT PhDs out there who knew this was coming and already priced it in. And even if they hadn't, they've already bought.
Now I'm not sure if my dad knew the efficient-market hypothesis by name, but he sure knew the concept. You can't beat the market. There will always be someone better than you.
This changed my life for both better and worse. I definitely didn't choose single stocks after that, choosing to focus my investments on low-cost, diversified index funds (VTSAX was and still is my go-to investment). However, I suspect my entrepreneurial spirit was killed at that moment because of how widespread I applied that logic. Was there a point in starting a business? Probably not since someone was probably already there. Entrepreneurs have to have extremely high confidence in both themselves and their business, enough to overcome any sort of doubt around someone else being better than them or having already captured the existing market. (Granted, businesses or startups weren't really on my radar at the time, but even when I got closer to that ecosystem I was extremely wary and skeptical.) I now understand that the EMH isn't entirely true—sometimes you can be smarter than the market because of something you see or know that others don't or are at least underestimating.
I was arrogant in middle school. I thought I was one of the coolest kids in the grade and definitely acted like it: I was loud, obnoxious, and a host of other things you'd expect from a cocky middle schooler.
One day I was getting something from my locker when a kid from the grade above me showed up, pointed at me, and said "hey, look, it's the coolest kid ever!" with a mocking tone and a snicker. This made me feel incredibly awkward and murdered my self-confidence in a single moment. From what I remember I drastically changed my demeanor almost instantly, as in literally in the next class: I stopped cracking as many jokes, I was quieter, etc.
I began questioning whether being cocky and such is a good thing. Sure, confidence is generally good, but up to what point? Don't people prefer modesty? Are my jokes really that funny? I went into a downward spiral and came out a more modest person on the other side, which I'm certain hurt my social and romantic prospects for many years.
I have often prioritized—and will continue to, albeit less than before—personal goals over friendships. First it was running in middle school and high school, then academics in college, then weightlifting and cycling in my post-college years. The process of pursuing and achieving these goals just gave me more pleasure (or at least would in the long-term, i.e., delayed gratification) than spending time with friends, which I found to have diminishing returns.
Circa 2014 I was in Latin class, and a friend asked me if I had hung out with X, Y, and Z, the three guys who had been my best friends since 2014. I said either "no, they don't really invite me anymore" or "no, I haven't seen them in a while" to which they said "oh, X says you always say no when they invite you". I quickly thought back to the past few invites and sure enough, she was right! I had chosen running every single time and almost lost my best friends in the process. I immediately texted them to schedule a hangout and apologized for my absence.
Social initiative is a trainable skill. While Neel published his piece six years after I needed it, I still learned about social initiative in that moment and have since been the guy who does a majority of the reaching out.
I went on a date with someone who lied about where they lived. They claimed to live in place X, but actually lived in place Y, which is 15-30 minutes past X (relative to where I lived at the time). I found out about this during the first (and only) date. Afterwards, I politely texted them "Hey, it was great meeting you and I had fun, but you live a bit too far away from me for us to date". They were unhappy and hit me with a "Um, okay. That's weird. But okay." I was confused: surely they understands and wouldn't want to drive that far for me?
I was telling this to a friend who rigidly replied "you know they interpreted that as she's not good enough for a 45-minute drive, right?". This was one of the first times that revealed preferences clicked with me. I could totally see how they would take it that way! Imagine living 10 minutes away from someone you think is a great match, only for them to tell you that that's too far. Ouch! Of course, 10 minutes is unreasonable (at least to me), but where is the line drawn? 20? 30? 45? The better the partner is, the longer the commute you're willing to tolerate.
This extends to a million other things in life, but can be summed up in what is now a controversial piece of advice echoed by hordes of TikTokers:
If they wanted to, they would